Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
