Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
