I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
