I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
