I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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