New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
