apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
