I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
