Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
