she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
