yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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