A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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