What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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