you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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