yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
