Christians are straight up FREAKS
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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