Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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