we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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