your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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