i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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