Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
