Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
