so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
