at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
