Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You can't just leave with hair like that
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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