I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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