This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
