Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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