He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
