the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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