Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
