Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
