Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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