I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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