It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
