Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
