im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
