he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
