it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
