On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
