Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
