Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
