If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
