I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
