remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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