i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
