Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
