Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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