remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
