I CAN MOONWALK!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
