Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
