I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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