I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
