I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
there is glitter all over my balls
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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