It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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