Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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