It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
