I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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