You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
